eXistence

LOST IN THOUGHT

2007-07-04T22:33:00.001-07:00

Random thoughts, inside my head collide.
I see… but only for a second
I feel… but I cannot grasp
Random thoughts, inside my head collide.

Where do they come from?
Like flying ants in the rain…
Can thoughts have ghosts?
Wandering in search of a mind…

Independence of thought.
Think beyond what you have been told,
Think from within and ask yourself
Does a thought really need a mind to survive?

Maybe they’re born within,
Fragments broken off other colliding thoughts.
Accidents happen, and what better place
Than the minefield of the mind.

Are they ethereal concoctions?
Of a deluded schizophrenic?
Or are they here to stay,
And open the gates to sanity?

Am I searching for a pattern, where there is none?
Is there such a thing as ‘Random’?
Does everything happen for a reason?
Or do the happenings just give rise to the reasons.

Is there a bigger picture? Or is it just a waste of time?
But time isn’t really ours to waste, is it?
We all are slaves of time.
Struggling to appreciate the art in an empty frame.

Random thoughts, inside my head collide.
I see… but only for a second
I feel… but I cannot grasp
Random thoughts, inside my head collide.

INSOMNIA

2007-04-30T22:52:00.000-07:00

i went to sleep,
with a sad smile on my face.
And woke up,
in someone else's bad dream.

i was a wanderer,
who could never be at home.
Like a ghost who's scared of being forgotten,
i kept doing my rounds.

They say when you die,
nothing matters anymore.
You're dust in the wind,
you don't feel anymore.

But what if you did?
What if you remember?
and you're human no more,
so you couldn't forget...

All alone there i was,
with neither man nor ghost to bother me.
And helplessly i watched,
as the world died and recycled around me.

This was how i felt,
and i thought "maybe this is hell"
i knew i didn't belong here,
but not how to be free...

i didn't know who he was,
but i wish he'd wake up.
Because i was stuck in not mine,
but someone else's nightmare.

And wake up he did,
but i'll never be the same.
For i had been to hell,
and returned to tell the tale.

i'll never smile anymore,
bcoz i know what awaits...
i'll never sleep anymore,
what if i become his dream again???

ALTERITY

2007-04-30T22:18:00.000-07:00

i thought i was me,
that i was here for a purpose.
i wasn't like the others,i was gonna make a difference,
Alas... i thought i was me...

i saw him on the bus one afternoon,
the lines on his forehead cried out for a friend.
the sorrow in his eyes sang a sad song to me...
i became his pain, i was losing myself... Now i am him

my eyes were closed, the headphones plugged in.
i felt the music coursing through my veins,
i felt the words come from within...
i became that rhythm, i was losing myself... Now i am that song

She came to my house asking for alms,
her feet were bleeding, her rags tattered.
yet her parched lips curled in a condescending smile...
i became her thirst, i was losing myself... Now i am her

The sun was setting in a haze of golden blue,
The wind drove shreds of clouds like little lambs.
it was hard not to feel calm in a moment like that...
i became that calm, i was losing myself... Now i am that sunset

i thought i was me,
that i was here for a purpose.
i wasn't like the others,i was gonna make a difference,
Alas... i thought i was me...

Then it dawned on me,
you can lose only what you have.
i was never me, for there is no me.
just as there is no you or anyone else.

i am the people i meet, i am the words i read
i am the sounds i hear, i am the things i see
i am everything, and yet i am nothing...
Oh, how wrong i was, in thinking i was ME...

CONFESSiONS

2006-10-10T07:05:00.000-07:00

The wastelands sighed...
within my mind...

As i lay on the island that hate had built,
with a broken smile i realized.
Marooned, i was here,
Now and forever... Now and forever...

The crimson winds cajoled me,
not to shed a single tear.
For one would bring another
and drown me in the deluge.

The sun would never rise again,
life dripped away like drops of blood.
the moon could never shine again,
but death refused to come.

I was sane, hence my suffering;
i could not forget, i could not forgive.
Insanity had become my mirage,
and mockingly did it beckon me.

The wastelands sighed...
within my mind...